An honest, unfiltered story of living with anxiety and depression.
alcoholism anxiety bipolar cause coping depression GAD hypochondria MDD mental mental health physical social anxiety suicidal thoughts therapy tips & tricks traveling
I get asked this one a lot. I imagine how anxiety feels is different from person to person, but there are likely a lot of similarities.
Physically I’m anxious most of the time. From the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep.
It manifests in several different ways.
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“why am I even here?”
It’s sad to realize the number of times I’ve asked myself that question.
The number of times I’ve not wanted to be alive.
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I’ve been an open book about my anxiety issues for many years now. I understand how horrible it can be. I get it, I live it. It affects me both mentally and physically.
I also mention in another post about my diagnosis of major depressive disorder (MDD) over the past year. I’ve never known a sadness more powerful than my depression causes.
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As the old saying goes, if I had a dollar for the number of times I’ve heard this one I’d be rich.
I can’t just stop thinking about it. I just can’t. Yes I know how ludicrous that sounds. I’m educated. I have an Electrical Engineering degree.
Yet I can’t even control what my own mind thinks about sometimes. It sucks.
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“Do you have social anxiety too?”
Of course I do. I don’t single thread this shit. I multithread it like a boss. I’m an advanced over achiever of negative thought processing.
Honestly, my social anxiety might be the most frustrating of all the anxieties I have.
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