people with anxiety and depression

Follow me on my journey as an anxious and depressed human being. I'm just a regular dude in his 50's, married with kids and a job I love. I am not a medical professional, so take me with a grain of salt. My goal is to find therapy in sharing my stories. My hope is that you find comfort in not being alone..

alcoholism anxiety cause coping depression GAD hypochondria MDD mental mental health physical social anxiety suicidal thoughts therapy tips & tricks traveling

  • are there any tricks you use to cope with anxiety and depression?

    coping tools

    I hate to say it, but diet and exercise really do help. The problem is, who wants to run on a board or eat lettuce while they’re anxious or depressed.

    On to the more realistic options I have tried.

    Sure. They don’t all work all of the time, but sometimes they work some of the time. That didn’t sound right. I don’t know man, it sounded good before I typed it.

    Talk about it: This is my number one tool. It took me years to get to a point where I was willing to talk about the things that go through my mind on a regular basis. Find somebody to confide in, it can even be a pet. I use my wife. She’s never gone through what I have but that doesn’t matter. I get it. I sound crazy, maybe I am.

    However, to be able to get the words and thoughts out into the open really does help. I’m fortunate to have my wife to listen to my nonsense. Sometimes she’ll get frustrated because the life I live is a great one. I have the career I’ve always wanted, an amazing wife and grown kids I’m extremely proud of. I don’t want for much. Then why am I so sad? Why am I so worried? She just doesn’t get it, and that’s ok.

    If your person gets frustrated listening to you don’t get upset. I truly believe that unless a person has gone through this there is zero chance they completely understand what you’re going through. They’ll have an idea, but to truly understand this shit you need to have gone through it.

    “So how can they help if they’ve never been through it?”

    They can help simply by listening to you. Comforting you. Telling you it’s going to be ok. Just listen.

    It’s tough talking about it, I get it. I thought I was nuts. I didn’t want her thinking I was nuts too. But of course she didn’t. She definitely gets frustrated, but she is an amazing listener and that helps tremendously.

    “Did you say pets?”

    I did. Pets are amazing creatures. You can tell them anything and they’ll keep it a secret. The bonus is they like salt so if you’re crying they’ll lick your face and who isn’t happy when a dog licks their face?

    Side note, I have a story about how my family dog saved my life when I was 16 years old. I’ll post about it at some point. Maybe. That’s a tricky one to discuss.

    “I don’t have a support person or any pets.”

    It can be your doctor, your pastor, a family member, a friend, a teacher, a crisis hotline. Anybody you trust that will listen.

    Journaling: Try it. I didn’t believe it would help either, but doing this blog (which I guess isn’t really the same as journaling) is definitely helping me get to a better space in my mind.

    I’ve heard of people writing all of their anxious feelings on paper and tossing them into a fire. I see how that could help but I’ve never tried it.

    Distractions: This is one of the best tools I try to use to snap me out of any anxiety or depression episode is distraction. Sounds simple because it is. No it doesn’t always work, but it works more often than the other tricks. Go for a walk, do jumping jacks, watch a funny TV show or movie, scream at the top of your lungs, play a video game, go for a walk, call a friend or family member to chat, go for a drive, go grab something to eat, do a puzzle, turn on your favorite music. Find something that works for you. I liken this to the days I was a pinball wizard. It feels like sometimes our brains go “on tilt” and we just need to snap back in place. Distractions can definitely help.

    Fidget Gadget Things: Google it. They work sometimes. They’re little gadgets/toys that you can hold in one hand and do what they do. Some spin, come click, some pop, etc. They’re strange little things for sure. They work by distraction. You have to concentrate on this little gadget and that can be enough to snap you out of it.

    Water: it sounds so basic, but sometimes drinking a big glass of water actually helps. I’m guessing dehydration exacerbates the anxiety for some people?

    Weighted blanket: I love these. It’s the only blanket I use now. I think the idea is similar to those buddy things dogs wear that are tight and helps them not panic during fireworks or lightning. Not sure but they help me to relax for sure.

    Sensory competition: So there’s a thing called, I believe, sensory competition within our messed up brains. Basically, when we’re anxious, that “sensory” thing is at like say 80% and our other “sensors” are only at like 20% because we are so focused on the anxiety. My therapist said the goal is to ramp up another sensor so that it surpasses the anxiety sensor.

    He said his best results are by using smell as the sensor to ramp up. He said he tells his patients to get a small vial of something that smells really strong and that they love the smell of. His example was those small hard candy flavorings that are super strong. If the smell they love doesn’t work then he has them try a smell they hate. He says when the anxiety is bad, take it out and smell it with a deep breath or two in an attempt to ramp up that sensor and pass/suppress the anxiety one.

    In my mind I said “sure doc, this is why they call me crazy. I’ll be running around sniffing things like I’m on meth or something.”

    Anyways, I bought a package of fruit scented things just in case.

    Soon after, I had a day that sucked and I said screw it. I started smelling them all. No affect. Then I smelled the orange one.

    That instantly time warped me back to Epcot Center when I was a kid in the ‘80s.

    There was a ride there in the big globe thing that you just sat in and it took you around to different futuristic settings. I’ll never forget, there was one setting where they were growing oranges in some space house thing. You could smell the oranges. I vividly remember it and I absolutely loved it.

    The present me smiled remembering it all. That was a small win. They add up.

    He also recommended sound as the sensor to use. I have an Apple playlist that I call “singers”. Has songs that I belt out when I’m in a really good mood.

    He said to use over the ear headphones with noise cancelling if possible. It helps you to focus only on the music and hear no distractions.

    Final Thoughts: I said “sometimes” more than once above. These tricks don’t always work for everyone. For me, some work on some days and others work on other days and some don’t work at all. Try them, if a small trick works, for us that’s a huge win. If none of these work for you find something that does. You’ll see how it can really work.

  • do you think therapy helps?

    woman in therapy session

    Yes. I’ve told people for years that I think everybody, everybody should have a therapist.

    “so you want me to tell this person, who I just met, all my deepest feelings? are you nuts?”

    I mean, it’s why I’m writing this blog?

    Yes, I want you to talk to this person, whom you’ve never met, but also whom cannot tell another person what you talked about. Did you know that? Your therapist can’t say I thing to anybody about what you said. By law. Yes, I want to talk to that person.

    Even if it’s just one session, get out what you need to, get some completely unbiased feedback, then walk.

    I mentioned in another post, the realization that there is somebody out there that understands what you mean when you tell them what you’re going through, what you’re thinking, that’s life changing.

    I felt it.

    Yes. Please.

  • alcoholics aren’t all that bad!

    alcoholic screaming at child

    Sure. There are exceptions to everything. My alcoholic was a bit different.

    Growing up, education was seemingly the only thing that was important to him. I always got good grades but I dreaded each time that report card came out.

    If I got good grades (90s) I was allowed to pick out a new Nintendo game. If I got bad grades (anything less than 80s) I was grounded. If I got an 85, he’d want to know where the other 15 points went. 

    “That sounds like normal father stuff!”

    It was until it wasn’t.

    Making sure I wasn’t wasting time just sitting around watching TV or playing video games enjoying my life was also a top priority for him.  I loved video games, it was an escape for me.  Still is.  But if that kitchen needed cleaning or that lawn needed mowing, he’d snap if I was having fun.  Go mow, go clean, go study, go get those other 15 points.

    “Still sounds like regular father type stuff.”

    The difference is in the way a regular father says things versus how an alcoholic father says the same things. I can assure you the latter is much harsher and without regard to the feelings of an eight year old boy. He didn’t care if his words were mean. He didn’t care if I cried. He would just shake his head and walk away. That’s when the hurt would set in. I believe his intentions were to be mean with his words as he thought that was the only way they would have any affect. He didn’t realize we would have listened simply because he was our father.

    The meanness in his words, that’s where it was different.

    I never understood how selfish alcoholics were until I was older and could make some sense of it.

    I remember when we’d go to the seven-eleven and I’d have to go in and buy him a carton of cigarettes. I could barely see over the counter. They’d of course say no and every time I’d have to point to him outside and he’d wave. Then I’d have to walk out of the store with a carton of cigarettes. A child. I was so embarrassed every time. I hated doing it. He didn’t care and would snap if I tried to refuse.

    Seagrams 7 and Pepsi was his poison. I remember having to make his drinks at night. Again, maybe eight years old. Up to the third diamond with 7 and the rest Pepsi. A child.

    I remember having to live in an apartment without my father for a while when I was very young, around six maybe.  Till the day he died I had no idea why.

    It wasn’t until after he passed away that my mother told me about his affair.  It crushed her. He showed her no love, maybe he was bored with her. Maybe cheating was a thrill for him. Made him forget what was waiting at home. Who knows. How could anybody be that selfish? I’d guess that most alcoholics are, not sure though.

    When she told me that, I was pissed. I was 25. I spent my entire childhood, teenage years, young adult life trying to impress this man who was nearly impossible to impress. And he did that to my mom?? The one that did everything with us? Took us on all those adventures? Unreal.

    Don’t get me wrong, we had a lot of good times. We went on vacations, golfed here and there. He had my sense of humor so we did a lot of picking back and forth.

    We definitely had great times.

    He actually quit drinking when I was somewhere around 16. From there on out he was a much better father, a much better husband and a much better person. But I feel like by then most of the damage had already been done.

    Unfortunately he only made it another 8 years or so before he passed from colon cancer. I do miss him dearly and wonder what would have been all the time.