“Do you have social anxiety too?”
Of course I do. I don’t single thread this shit. I multithread it like a boss. I’m an advanced over achiever of negative thought processing.
Honestly, my social anxiety might be the most frustrating of all the anxieties I have.
Let’s say I get invited to a Texas Hold’em poker party at a friend’s house. I love the friend. I love playing Texas Hold’em. I especially love playing Texas Hold’em with friends.
Let me pause here. This is important background. I play Texas Hold’em with the same people every time. The exact same people. Literally every time. There’s not a single one I don’t like.
For a good 1-2 weeks before the party, I will anxiously obsess about having to go. Each day with a little more anxiety because the date is of course getting closer.
The date I get to go do the thing I love with the people I love. Absolute torture.
When the day arrives, I’m at peak anxiety thinking of all the made up excuses I could use to cancel going. But I force myself to go.
I get there. I avoid any unneeded conversations. I sit down with the people I just avoided and start playing and the anxiety fades away and I begin to enjoy myself and chat up the people I just avoided.
Why? Why did I have to suffer almost two weeks agonizing over having to go to a poker party where once I get there I know I’ll have fun. I know I will, I do every time. I have been to so many poker parties with these friends.
But still I dread it. For weeks.
Anxiety is a bitch.
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