It’s sad to realize the number of times I’ve asked myself that question.

The number of times I’ve not wanted to be alive.

This is the hardest part to explain about my lifelong anxiety and relatively new depression (because having anxiety wasn’t enough for this overachiever).

I’m not suicidal, it’s just that sometimes I don’t want to be alive on this planet.

“Well isn’t that a suicidal thought?”

No, it’s not. I don’t want to die, I have a lot to live for. But man, sometimes I really, and I mean really don’t want to exist.

I know that doesn’t make sense to most people but it’s a thought I’ve repeated far more often in my life than any person should have to.

“What do you mean should have to? You choose to think that way!”

I’ll punch you.